Thursday, April 23

alien tourists are the worst

so this station gets a lot of tourist traffic. inevitably, this leads to conflict, as many alien species don't particularly care for each other. not usually a problem, because in conflict there exists a chance to profit. i don't care if they knock each off or jerk each other, as long as they keep dropping their expensive shit into my grate.

what i do care about, however, is the way they get around.

imagine for a minute, you are walking down a hallway, on the right, minding your own business. Everyone knows to walk to on the right. and as long as everyone follows that rule, the hallway is a wonderful place, a joyous expanse of physical translation, and everyone has a smile on their face, happy to know that they won't bump into each other.

a tourist comes into your hallway. he, and his idiot family, are there to see the newest paint job on the wall. they begin to walk down the hallway on the LEFT, because that's the way it's done on their planet. Ok, fine, we can make a little exception. besides, he's not that stupid, and realizes how it's done here and adapts. he'll match his pace to yours, get on the right side and behave himself, get his paint pictures and fuck off home after i've robbed him and corrupted his daughter.

what if a lot of those tourists showed up at once. then you'd have a bit of confusion, because no one would know which rule to follow.

now, i urge you to consider the third dimension. look up. lots of fucking room up there. look down too, lots of room to slither. there's also the middle. and this is precisely what happens. every alien does it his own way, and gets indignant. we've got bug aliens flying like drunk moths all up and down the corridors. snakey aliens slinking their way, getting trampled underfoot. big fat fuckers who insist on walking down the middle, not like they had a choice. it's a big cacaphony of movement, with no order whatsoever, other than the one that each of us projects into that space. terrifying.

and now, i have to go out of my berth, and walk to work. down the hallway, through the mess.

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