Tuesday, May 12

the invisible hand of capitalism

sometimes i suspect that the world conspires against my attempts to defraud it. i, like anyone else, enjoys taking a little time off of my shit job in hangar 23, and sometimes i don't want to spend my own vacation time. sometimes, i want to get something for free... some people call it 'throwing a sickie,' some people call it 'playing hookey,' i call it 'evening out the universe's attempts at fucking me.'

the other day, the assclowns who manage this station decided they want to screw us out of our natural right to screw them out of money. if we want to take a sick day, we now have lots of hoops and fucking ladders and shit to get it approved. gotta go up to the medical decks, get a full physical from one of the doctorbots (who'll take a variety of samples) and have them send it over to our manager, have him rubber stamp it, send it back to the docs and so on. as you can imagine, it becomes pretty hard to cheat. which, as i mentioned before, fucking sucks.

me, being such a clever fellow and so eager to please everyone, decided to streamline the process even further for them. after all, without process where would we be?

i decided to share my efficiencies with management. not in the normal way, of sending a message and starting a meeting. no, i figured it needed to be a bit more explanatory than that. i decided to show, rather than just tell, them how i will make things faster.

so i snuck down up to the administrative levels, broke into their offices, took a shit on the head managers desk and left a note, explaining why this is so much faster than going through the laborious process they laid out.

i also told them there was no need to thank me, that the reward of productivity was enough.

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