Friday, June 19

the diversity of nature at its best

the baroness klob is a horrible worm... pale, disgusting, lumpy, over sized, floating on a bed of her own excreted gasses and surviving entirely off other people's efforts. this has made her perfect for her position: station chief of propaganda.

she is vile. her kind is cannibalistic, infanticidal, revolting and cruel. a new kind of parasitism developed in their evolutionary chain... one not of practical, physical needs, but a kind of emotional parasitism: when i say she exists off other people's work, i mean it literally... she eats nothing, but stay within claws' reach of another being that is doing something... the more important the person, or the more grand their scheme, the fatter and higher she floats. you know when times are bad, when she sags, deflated and baggy, dragging herself on the floor.

another interesting fact about her fucked up kind is that they are parasitic to themselves. when they are in their juvenile form, they orbit about a mature adult, flitting to and fro, trying to absorb the scraps of success that elude their host. what's fascinating here is that while the adults are horrible and deranged, the juveniles are beautiful and young... they are like some kind of delicate butterfly, eager to please...

the part i like the best is that only one of them will ever get to become an adult... the little starfuckers will do their best to outwit and outscheme each other and will finally have to kill the mature, burrow into its body and then take its place. ahh... the beauty of nature.

why do i bring this up? well, flapjack and i were at zog's the other day, getting some weirdfruit and the baroness floated up the queue (which was long as always cuz zog is a fucking lazy junkie), slammed her tube of fat-girl lube on the counter (and looked me straight in the eye the whole fucking time).

'ahoy, lardworm... get back in the queue... we've no need for your witchcraft here!' my clever reply.

her little butterflies were all a twitter, zipping about, getting excited, chattering. the baroness ignored me... one brave little butterfly came up to me
'know your place! the baroness has no need for people like you.'

'is that right?' i grabbed said little insect, rolled him into a tube, and inserting him, entirely, into what i assume was the baroness gas-excretion hole.

this caused her to start expanding rapidly, and sinking down towards the ground. the little satellites, the poor dears, were getting so nervous, desperately trying to grab onto the baroness, and fly her back up, but no avail... she sank, sank, sank and hit the metal floor...

'heee heee! ugly ball!!!' came from flapjack, as he raced up and kicked the baroness, as hard as a gigantic retarded alien can, out the door, and down the hallway.

unfortunately, not all actions are without their consequences... it turns out that we were charged with littering and were made to spend a few days in the brig... that's fine... more time off work.

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