Monday, February 25

special guest blogger: frizzant skint... cuatreaux!

so it's been a week since spacecadet and his absorbent friend showed up, and i have yet to see any evidence of a vast horde of janitor clones assaulting me for eternity.

there was an over aggressive sushi delivery guy, who kept claiming i owed him a dollar for the extra spicy mayo. and some asshole who pretended like she lived in the apartment building and forgot her keys and kept buzzing and buzzing my apartment until me 'n spacey sent spajjy down to freak her out. instead, spajjy bring her back up to the apartment and we hang out and talk. as it turned out she was my next door neighbor, whose name i do not know, whose face i do not recognize, but apparently moved in the same day as i did.

so this was good, because i had an issue with this particular neighbor. for years i'd hear synthesizer music blaring from our shared wall and i'd resort to banging on it with a shoe to get the music to stop.

which never worked.

so i, emboldened by some fresh-squeezed-spajjy-effluent-cocktails, asked this (apparently lovely) neighbor of mine if she ever hears loud music, of the electronic sort, invaded her homespace.

no, she tells me, but she does have a problem with a hammering on her walls at all hours of the night.

liar! i accuse her. how dare she, knowing damn well that it's her fancy synthesizer which she insist on practicing at 4 in the morning that interrupts my slumber.

no, she insists nervously, then angrily, it is not her. she doesn't own a keyboard. she doesn't even really listen to music.

i have her on the run! i pursue, she avoid. spajjy and spaceman are watching with amusement, like they've seen all this before, that this classic interaction is part of their daily lives.

i'm screaming now, jacked up on sponge-juicings and i don't know what i'm saying. everything is yellow and red and stubbly and angry. my arms are flailing i see stars.

then a pseudopod taps me gently on the shoulder. i wave it off. then i'm violated... my ears are violated... two spongebits jam themselves into my ear canals, blotting out all the sound of me shouting.

and what do i hear? synthesized bass, unts-untsing its way through my floorboards. and this cute little neighbor girl staring right at me, arms crossed, peeved.

spajjy removes the shoe from my hand, and gently places me down on the couch. there's a mighty big hole in the wall now, from my banging.

i guess one mystery has been solved. just not mine.

she took in stride, poor thing. we've even got a date next week.

unless she just said that to get out of the apartment...

i guess we'll see on thursday.

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