Wednesday, August 5

hey kids... want to be cool?

so ever since this insurgency thing has become a bigger deal and the fancyship has been hanging out outside the station, this fucking place is crawling with unitarded assholes, looking important and showing off their packages.

this has had an unforeseen consequence. the baroness klob, who clearly sits on the side of fascism, had a brilliant idea. instead of making everyone uncomfortable with thousands of soldiers and officers wandering around the place, which they rightly fucking should be, she figured out a way for people not only to like them, but to fucking emulate them. she is a brilliant, horrible bitch-worm... my god... i think i am in love.

her idea, which i overheard her talking about at zargle's after i paid zargle to spike her drinks, was simple: convince all the matter compilers to, when they're requested to compile some clothes, to manufacture unitards in a variety of brilliant and terrifying colors. so if you go up, and start asking for some work-pants, or a new shirt for a fancy dinner out (not me, you understand, someone else) you will end up with a fucking unitard.

she also got all the boutiques to start selling unitards at ridiculously expensive prices. so now, all the starclowns and richkids are wandering around, dressed as fucking soldiers. it's the height of cool... everybody wants one. you should see flapjack, all 15 or whatever feet of him, flab and all, squeezed like some sad gigantic sausage into a purple and gold intestine... horrifying. lucky that skip walks round naked.

sure, this seems all fine and cute and look at all the people proudly mimicking the brave soldiers and officers of pangalacticism who are going to defeat the insurgency and make everything safe again... scratch a little bit and you see something more sinister... apparently, a law was just passed that anyone caught wearing the uniform of a soldier or officer can be pressed into service... so essentially, the baroness has figured out a way to create a gigantic navy in mere moments...

now, i am nothing if not opportunistic and cruel... so whenever one of these unitarded fuckwits slithers its way past hangar 23, i get flapjack to give them a giant hug, which knocks 'em out, then i sell the fucking lot to the recruiters up on the mall levels. making good cash too...

let's hope this fashion doesn't go out of style too soon...

No comments:

Post a Comment

what the fuck is your problem?