what in the name of fuck is going on?

as you well know, something has been very wrong with me lately... i've been nice to people. this must stop.

so, i decided to take the day off being the angry one (fuck if i've even done my regular job lately) and go get fucking drunk over at zargle's. i assembled the entire crew, which is all of about five - me, mal-ala, skip, cosmoose, flapjack... longshanks was in the brig for getting drunk and fucking up the gravity again and i'll be damned if i can remember any other of my so-called friends.

off to zargle's, and i don't even feel like drinking... i can't stop thinking about the cute little galactopus girl... normally, inter-species relationships don't really work, but i'm always open to trying new holes and such... tentacles are particularly exciting as they can be crammed in all sorts of places.

fortunately, flapjack is holding me down, while mal-aka is pouring the rankest, roughest liquor known to the galaxy down my throat with a funnel... apparently they've been getting pissy at my goody-goody attitude lately. fair enough... i understand... wait, no i shouldn't fucking understand, i should be screaming at them and stealing their drinks... something is a miss

the liquor starts doing its thing, and i'm getting a bit sloppy. this is good... maybe i'll get more myself... i grab the bottle and take care of business... woo-hoo i'm a fucking hero again... pissing this person off and making them cry...

hang on... she's crying from laughing so hard, and that guy isn't pissed off, his species just smiles upside down... i've become the center of attention, the life of the party... even my friends are enjoying themselves... everyone is smiling, laughing, having a good time... and it's because of me... fuck it, i just bought a round for the bar, and zargle was so impressed that he didn't charge me!!! in fact, he's just brought out a jeroboam of starwine... fucking starwine is retardedly expensive and since when do i know what a jeroboam is, and why would zargle have such nice wine (or any fucking wine for that matter) in his god damn shithole?

suddenly, i feel the softest, gentlest, sweetest touch on my shoulder... cute little galactopus girl has just come in, gives me a fucking kiss, thanking me for taking care of her boss... she's seen the error of her ways and, not only offered cute little galactopus girl that job, but has now convinced the galactopodean council to donate a hefty chunk of money to my cult...

something is definitely wrong... i only talked to that line of losers after speaking with cute little galactopus girl, and none of them were said boss... and i certainly wouldn't have left them wanting to give me MORE money... and i never use capital letters... what the fuck?

cute little galactopus girl is now chatting with, flashing her gorgeous colors this way and that, we're laughing, smiling, touching, kissing... all so innocently and sweetly that it feels like it's all happening to someone else... she leaves, i don't follow... the party rages on... swirling around like some fucked, out of control starskimmer that isn't quite crashing... everyone is happy, everyone is cheery, i have another drink and pass out...

i wake up in my berth a few hours later, not hungover in the least.

what in the name of fuck is going on?