Wednesday, September 9

you two-faced piece of shit

so now that the shack is back, i am privy to the combined problems of however many squillion fucking losers live in this floating tin garbage can... lucky me... for some reason, people with problems also seem to be people with money...
the shack has been doing great... apparently all this civil strife has done nothing but to make people more anxious, so we've picked up exactly where we left off... swimming in coin and in tribute... it's good to be a messiah.

spacefuck, on the other hand, has been a real pain in my ass... every fucking day, he's down here (sure, he's paying his penance) but he's asking me repeatedly if any insurgents have come in, if they've spilled any dirt worth sharing... it's getting to be too much... his last trip to the shack i had to torture him with a spacewhale prod in the hopes he'd leave... no luck, i think he is a masochist.

but things have a way of working themselves out... a few days ago, flapjack comes running into hangar 23, with some alien bastard i'd never met before... flappy is out of breath, he stinks of food, body, and something indescribable... the alien looks confused and a bit frightened...

'hehe... look... he has two faces!'

flapjack grabs these poor bastard's arm and swings him around, like a gyro... behold, a duplicate face on the other side of his head... fascinating...

i don't let flappy know this, berate him for bringing strangers into our home and send the freak (and the alien) out...

but this gives me a great idea... those insurgent fucks have been showing up in the shack for weeks now... it's a fucking joke... they can't keep their mouths shut about their plans... i suspect they are bunch of richkids, high on reading revolutionary texts from the past, who just want someone else to recognize their efforts, without actually doing anything to deserve it..

so, i waited one day in the shack for the most annoying,most malleable and most pathetic one of them... i figured he was their leader... and made him an offer... the same price as spacefuck gave me to feed the pangalacticists information, i'd do the insurgents the honor... of course i didn't mention that spacefuck had spoken to me... messiah-supplicant privilege, you understand.

they are overjoyed... apparently they didn't know if my earlier offer via video-flapjack was for real... and their coffers are full of money they need to spend but can't figure out a way too... i also mentioned that i'd be happy to sell them their own ships as well... this did not go down so well...

but, now we've got a steady stream of income, both sides playing against each other, and no one is the wiser... a good position to be in, i think... flapjack does come through sometimes... in his own, retarded way.

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